Monday, August 9, 2010

So I Found This...

In honor of my new love affair with 30 is the new 13, I dug up what appears to be the beginning of a story that I wrote. I have no idea what age I was at the time, but judging by the handwriting and the fact that it is in cursive, I'm going with 4th or 5th grade.

She was as lovely a woman as there ever was. Scotti, yes, Scotti was her name (If you can't tell, I'm at the pretentious, pseudo-literary stage of my writing. This is what I believed real "literature" sounded like, having not actually read any actual "literature" at the time). Her mother, Cassandra, was known as Cassandra the Tyrant.

Scotti loved her mother but her heart yearned for freedom (as one's heart does, yes). Now as she was ready to take herself and her mother to the charity ball (She's as lovely a woman as there ever was, but she can't get a friggin' date?) she wanted freedom even more (I can't imagine why. At least she isn't yearning for it at this point, I guess).

Her beautiful soft brown locks pulled into a loose knot on top of her head with only one delicate ringlet left by her ear, and her soft creamy throat slipping from the emerald green silk (this seems like something she should have the doctor check for her. One's neck probably shouldn't ever slip), she was especially beautiful (Did I mention she was beautiful? Because Scotti? Beautiful. In case I didn't make that clear).

That is all there is to the story. I have no idea where I was going to go with it, but I'm putting my money on the idea that I wanted to audition to ghostwrite for Danielle Steele. I feel confident when I say there was a good chance Fabio was going to appear at some point, and something was probably going to throb.

*I would like to point out, as the one compliment I can lend my writing here, that I had some mad spelling skills. I was not the Garland County Spelling Bee Champion for naught, ya'll. Let us not examine too closely the atrocious grammar and weird punctuation.


  1. I found a story I wrote at 18 with a main character named Reynaldo.


    Or, more importantly, what kind of trashy fiction was I reading at the time?

  2. My mom recently gave me some old cartoons I drew as a wee child. One was about my dad, and was likely created for father's day. In one of the pictures he is standing over me creepily. The caption below: "My dad rubs my back when I ask him to. He is not a child molestor."

    True story.

  3. Ahhh, this makes me wish I still had my writing from when I was in high school! I think my mom might have inadvertantly thrown it out :/

    Even back then, I had a fascination for purposely-bad stories. (My head exploded in joy when I stumbled upon Mystery Science Theater 3000 with some friends.) So, in that vein, our two stories were about:

    - A Mexican jumping bean with an obsession for drinking and shooting things, and making fart jokes.

    - My friends and I as the crew of a pirate ship, with my friend Pat as the captain. I had a duck (I like ducks, they're awesome) and mostly schemed, if I remember correctly.

    So yeah. You weren't the only one developing extremely high-concept, daring art!

  4. Oh geez, this cracked me up. I once found a story I wrote in sixth grade, while I was learning about Greek mythology. Apparently I wrote a story about two goddesses, one of whom was named "Tresemme." Like the shampoo. I'm pretty sure I saw a shampoo bottle and thought it was great name for a character.

  5. I remember a story I wrote once in which all the kids in the family had first names that were months of the year and middle names that were thesaurus words for colors. September Vermilion, December Claret, etc.

  6. This was freaking great.

    I didn't enter my pretentious, pseudo-literary stage until I was in the 7th grade but I wish we would have known each other when we were youngsters. We could have started our own little writers' colony.

  7. BAHAHA this is excellent. I have box after box of my atrocious literary masterpieces somewhere in my dad's basement. Someday, I need to dig those up. Maybe.

  8. I think you really had a good chance of making it as a Danielle Steele ghost writer.

    FRANKLY, you should probably get back on that dream and start pumping out some serious chick lit.

  9. lol. if there's one thing i think i was able to get a hold of from this excerpt, it's that i'm pretty sure scotti was beautiful.

    also... lolz @ Tocalabocina and Lilly.

  10. I love it. This is exactly how I wrote when I was little... I had some serious potential as a pretentious, flowery writer, but then I hit puberty.

  11. +10 points for using the word "ringlet"