Monday, September 27, 2010

Just so you know what we're dealing with here...

I did not work on Friday. This was the biggest mistake of my career so far.

Ya'll. YA'll.

While I was gone they hung a deer head over my work space. It is huge. And dead. And yet STILL STARING AT ME.

I am frightened.

I mean okay, there have always been dead ducks hiding in corners all over the place here, but...the deer, man. The deer gives me the willies. I don't think it's happy to be dead. I'm pretty sure it's going to get together with the ducks and they are going to rise up as one body and smite us or something.

I would just like to go on the record as saying I think the ritual of killing and stuffing and preserving something so that it looks like it might still be alive is primitive and barbaric and senseless and please don't eat my soul because I had nothing to do with this.


  1. Can you throw a blanket over it's face while you work? They might get the hint. I hate dead animal heads staring at me.

  2. I think those big dead animals on the walls are creepy. Because the still have those glass eyes they stare at you with. Half the time it's like they're still in there being like, "Why did you do this to me? I hate looking at you fools all day."

    There are a pair of antlers, minus the head thankfully in my office.... Maybe I should do something about that.

  3. just pretend you are shopping at Abercrummy and Fitch. Don't they have those in there?

  4. I had a date once with this guy who seemed really cool until he said the words, "For awhile I was really into taxidermy..."

    Sorry, come again?

  5. That seems odd to me that they would hang a deer head up at a business. What the heck are they selling that a deer head would help business?

  6. Amanda: I have a sweater I hate I plan to take in tomorrow. It has to be one I hate because I'll never be able to wear it again.

    Ashley: It's the eyes. It's all about the eyes. And the fact that it is hanging so it feels like it is looking over my shoulder.

    Lucky: I wouldn't know. I am about 12 years too old to even look in that store. Not that I want to considering I can smell the cologne and hear the pounding techno music from 3 miles away.

    Annabelle: I think that was the funniest thing I've heard all day. What kind of person would ever be willing to admit that? And if you died...what would happen to your body?

    Steve: Wanna know what's really funny? We're an environmental consulting firm! Full of Republicans and rednecks and hunters. Because this is Arkansas. Sadly, in some cases, it actually does seem to help get business. (The real reason it is all at the office is that the wives revolted at the idea of any more of this crap in their houses, by the way. We don't get much walk in business anyway).

  7. DRESS IT UP. It could be festive. Put a Halloween costume on it. When the time comes, put Christmas lights on it and slap a nice hat on it. And then post pictures. It will be fun, promise.

  8. Maybe you can find a happy little hat to put on it--a tiny cowboy hat or something? It would at least be a little more humorous/less creepy. Or actually, that might make it a little more creepy. Nevermind.