Monday, September 20, 2010

Uh. Maybe if I say enough words some of them will accidentally be funny. Or...not.

So you fall off the earth for a couple weeks because things just. got. real. Or whatever. And you realize the longer you stay away the less you have to say. And then you come back and post something just to try to get the juices flowing again, and you start to type about how you fell out of bed because you were locked in combat with a giant cobra, but you realize people think other people's dreams are boring (I, actually, love to hear about people's dreams, but from what I can tell...I'm really alone in this). So then you start to tell the story about when you had your wisdom teeth out and you were desperately trying to convince your mother you could TOTALLY go out on a date with that cute guy who will LOSE INTEREST if you cancel, and you realize there was a really, really similar post (only...better) at Hyperbole and a Half, and you don't want to be a copy cat. Then you start thinking about how awesome it would be to go back to high school as you are now, and how you would totally date the cute German boy and the band geek instead of the losers you DID date, and how you wouldn't care about the stuff that seemed like such a big deal, but then you realize you are ripping off a Matthew Perry movie, and damn, that's embarrassing.

So then you go back to reading the archives at Occupation Girl and you get even more discouraged because you are never going to be as funny as Cleo. And then you get over yourself and come type some stream of consciousness gibberish just to try to get past the block because you aren't a person who can talk about going to work and falling in to bed and make that funny, and that's all you've been doing.

You could talk about the Beauty Queen they just hired at your office (she put it on her resume! Yes, I am judging her, I'm sorry) and then you hear her talking to some of the people in the office and realize you aren't going to click with this girl because a.) anyone who says, "I need your muscles - giggle" when asking for help with boxes is...way, way different than you and also b) you overhear her turning down homemade bananas foster french toast because she had a bran muffin and she "doesn't eat that." I cannot trust anyone who can turn down bananas foster french toast (if you are such a person...maybe we can still be friends, but we aren't going to be braiding each other's hair anytime soon). But all of that sounds really judgy and you don't know this girl at all and you seem kind of catty (except the french toast thing. I very sincerely mean that).

And then you wind up with this.


  1. *sigh*

    would it be terribly insulting if i said you sounded like me?

    no, seriously. get out of my head. and off the blogs i read. you're creeping me out.

    also, i like angsty rambling.

    i apparently do not like capital letters today.

    and now i want french toast.

    and to cut your new coworker.

    the end.

  2. and I get it. See, you do it, kelly l does, & I do. Well,i just didn't write until I said scrw it & started the 30 days of truth thing & then wrote a weird post about how to lie or something. I Tried Really Hard to not be rambling. But I wrote maybe 12 posts Just Like This first. But hey, my 30 days thing actuallt got Several posts in the last wk. Yay!

    will you hate me & refuse to braid my hair if I admit i've never heard of bananas foster french toast? Or that I don't usually like anything banana besides an actual banana so I assume I may not be a fan? But I LOVE french toast so now I want it & am making some for lunch tomorrow since Ilm never functioning early enoug for breakfast. So does my love of french toast count?????

    I wanted to say the end but kelly l already did. Dang.

  3. I agree, anyone who passes up French toast, ESPECIALLY if it is free is worth staying away from.

    Save all hair braiding for French toast lovers like me!

  4. Um...I sort of loved this.

    And the Beauty Queen's refusal to eat the French Toast is weird and also reminds me of this party I went to the other night. It was a women's event and they were serving all of these cookies, candies, carmel corn, chocolates--basically every delicious "c" food in existence-- all of it was free, and none of the women touched the stuff. Meanwhile I was eating everything. I actually overheard one girl say, "they only have sweet stuff," as if that were a bad thing. Chicks are weird.

  5. Kandace: love of french toast does count. Also, this was made with real bananas and rum extract. No fake banana anywhere in sight (also, totally agree re: fake banana. It's like the people who invented it never tasted a banana before).

    Ashley: I just can't relate to a person who doesn't like sweet foods or fat or calories or whatever.

    Amber: Were you at a party in heaven? Because...because that is the only explanation for a place which serves only sweet things.

  6. Nothing I write is as funny as Hyperbole and a Half. I keep trying without success.

    Also? Never trust someone who would turn down bananas foster french toast. Or any kind of french toast. French toast is pretty much the best breakfast food ever.