Monday, May 23, 2011

I Actual Do Feel Kind of Sorry for Mr. Camping

I was going to live blog the rapture. Unfortunately, I had to lay around my house all day until like 5 when I realized we had to be at a graduation party at 6. So never mind. But here's how it probably would have gone:

5 pm. Waiting. I'm not sure what for. How will I know if it happens? We've already had a ton of flooding and earthquakes around here, that's probably not a reliable indicator. Who can I be on the phone with so if they disappear I'll know? I...don't think I know anyone like that.

5:15 pm. Nothing's happening here. Let's check the news for the east coast.

5:20 pm. Probably don't want to be on the road at 6...or on a plane. I bet it would be an awesome day to be a Christian magician, though. You would really disappear! Of course, you wouldn't be around to appreciate that so...maybe not.

5:22 pm. Some of these people are going to be in trouble if the end doesn't come. Some of these people gave away like all their money and stuff. Do you think they'll realize dude was wrong? Or will they think they got left behind? Maybe it will totally ruin their faith in God. This whole predicting the rapture thing seems pretty cruel, when you get right down to it.

5:23 pm. This is kind of boring me now.

5:24 pm. I wonder what happens to people's pets?

5:35 pm. Do you think I could just have someone's house or car after they're gone? I mean, is that stealing do you think? And does it really matter if I'm still here?

5:45 pm. Bored again. At least most of the tv shows I watch and musicians I listen to and authors I read will probably still be here.

6:10 pm. Life is pretty much still the same as it was before. I'm thinking there weren't as many actual Christians as people had always assumed.


  1. I just love all the interviews on Sunday where people just seemed really confused. "Um, well, I am a little confused, and I am feeling a little silly for giving away my life savings..."

    People people, will you NEVER LEARN?

  2. I one time saw a service advertising that for a fee, they would take care of your pet for you after you were raptured, so you wouldn't have to worry about my pets.

    Also, the rapture has been rescheduled for October 21. Mark your calendars.