Saturday, September 10, 2011

My thoughts, I will tell you them

1. The spirit of Martha Stewart has invaded my body. I am baking bread. Like right this minute. After a day of yardwork and housecleaning. I am a little frightened of myself right now.

2. Why are people who run consignment stores always so fucking snotty? Man, you peddle used clothing. You are not better than the people who shop here. I have a friend whose theory is that people don't think they are getting a good deal if you aren't totally shitty to them. My personal thoughts on this are that if I am going to give you some of my moneys you should probably be relatively nice to me. And the more moneys I am planning to give you, the nicer you should be. Because I'm pretty sure I can find someone to take my money who will totally kiss my ass, like the whole time. Not that ass kissing is required, just, you know, better than you treating me like I walked in off the street and shit on the carpet or something (I'm assuming here - I've never actually done that. But its how I imagine I would react to someone doing that...I have never done that. Just wanted to be clear.)

3. People at 4-way stops who wave you through when its their turn to go are not actually nice. They are assholes who are messing up the whole flow of the stop. Also, they always seem to be doing it impatiently, like they are doing you a big favor and you should hurry or like they think its your turn even though they have been at the stop since before you pulled up or are clearly to the right of you or whatever. I really wish people would stop doing this. It makes me irrationally angry for extended periods of time (note to self: look into therapy). Also irritating? People who get so far up my ass while driving that I feel like I should ask them to wear a condom. Especially when I look down and see that I'm going 10 miles over the speed limit. I mean really people chill. I highly doubt you are on your way to save kittens from cancer or something.

To sum up: please call an exorcist because this domestic crap is frightening me and also drivers of the world stop being assholes. That is all.


  1. hahahaha I love #3. I agree 100%. my husband and I find ourselves spending our car trips just complaining about other drivers (normally the two things you mentioned.)

    I think when it comes driving, we act like 75 year old grumps. But it's the commonality that keeps us so delightfully in love - ha! :)

  2. DUDE. I know. #2. They are such raging bitchwhores and I'm like, "what, are my PERFECTLY NICE BARELY WORN JEANS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE THEY'RE FOR FAT PEOPLE? WHAT?" and... grr.

    Also, people drives like assholes. Everywhere. It's the legacy of our generation. Or something.

  3. I feel like maybe we are the same person.... Except I'm not being bread Right Now. I baked bread yesterday.

    I did the while wtf is happening to me & who am I thing about #1 back at the beginning of the year though. I've mostly accepted that someone must have drugged me.

    The consignment store thing is something I've actually neve experienced, but I have gotten it at other places that make me want yo tell them that if they were too good for that place they wouldn't have to work there. I get Cranky about bad customer service.

    people who follow me close when I'm going at/over the speed limit will find me slowing down bit by bit until they back off. Then it's immediatelyback up to my original speed. I always talk about how they're not on the way to (insert big crazy thing, like the kitten cancer thing). Even if no one is in the car. I still say it.