Monday, February 28, 2011


When did every one around me get so fucking entitled, y'all?

I swear to God, if it's not the guy cutting in front of me in line at the convenience store (because clearly his need for 5 cigarilloes, a cigar, and rolling papers is immensely more important than my need for gasoline to get to work...also, dude, we all know what you're doing. Which, rock on and all, but your need to wake and bake is not more important than my need to be at work on time in order to get paid in order to continue to live in the lifestyle to which I have chosen to become accustomed. You know, with the groceries and the electricity and the gasoline and the whatnot. Or maybe it is; I don't know. My point is, I was there first asshat)then it's the guy going 75 in his Datsun on the shoulder to cut around EVERY ONE else waiting to get off the interstate because clearly he has important heart surgery to perform or his girlfriend is in labor or something. Every fucking day. Like the rest of us can't possibly have anywhere we would rather be than sitting on the fucking off ramp for no good reason.

Then there's the people I talk to on the phone. I have this conversation routinely,

"I'm sorry, [my supervisor] is out of the office."

"Well, I need to talk to him."

"Would you like his voice mail? Or I can take a message (even though I'm not actually a secretary you entitled douchebag)."

"No, I really need to talk to him right now."

I mean, I'm sorry - or maybe I'm not - but the fact that you want to do a thing RIGHT NOW doesn't actually make it possible for that thing to happen RIGHT NOW. I mean, right? Did I miss the memo where they changed all the rules and wishing now makes things so? Because my check for a million dollars hasn't come in the mail yet, and maybe I need to alert the post office or the president or something. Whoever handles that kind of thing.

Actually, that would be pretty awesome for awhile, but then every one would start having conflicting wishes and then the universe would implode or something.

But seriously, people, we are not really special snowflakes, no matter what our mommies taught us. You are not more important than me, and I'm not more important than that guy over there picking his nose. I would like to believe that I'm more important than him, but I'm not. So can everyone just chill the fuck out, accept the fact that we are all in this together, and that sometimes you have to wait your fucking turn? I mean, shit, they taught us that in kindergarten didn't they?

Please make my life better by following these me-approved rules. Please do not look directly into the wormhole I have created in my own logic. You do not want to fall in there.


  1. this is exactly how everyone describes the northeast.

    it's spreading!!

  2. 5 minutes after I posted this I had a conversation just like the one in the post! Except it was a fellow employee so I felt totally free to say, "I don't know what you want me to do; she's on the phone. There's nothing I can do about that."

  3. Agreed. I am no more important than anybody else.

    Except for that guy in the Datsun because seriously dude? A Datsun?

  4. Also, I tweeted about your blog today. You are too cute not to share with others.

    You totally want to hug me, right? Come on. You know you want to.

  5. No, I really do. Also I'm kind of blushing and giggly now.

  6. Yeah, this gets me all fired up. Because... people suck.


    Also: I love it when you get ranty. It's my ALL CAPS FAVORITE. Luvs.

  8. Ok, so I bitch about entitled people all the time, but I have to be honest... sometimes that's the only way you get ahead.

    Quite literally for the Datsun guy.