Saturday, April 3, 2010

Called (Possibly by the Lord)

I have found my calling. I am going to start teaching a free class, open to all women in the community as a public service. The class will be entitled "What Are Pants?" and will be a five part series including the following classes:

Introduction to Pants: What are Pants?
Why the Salesgirl is Not Your Friend
Why Tights are Not Pants
When are Leggings Pants?
Identifying Pants - in which participants will be asked to identify actual pants.

Afterwards, I will conduct a shorter seminar for men with classes including Identifying Men's Pants (Are You Wearing Womens Jeans?) and Why Your Pants Should Not Hang Below Your Ass.


  1. holy crap, i have like at least 10 people that I know that need to take your class. and that need to be slapped.

  2. Hilarious!! Tights are not pants! Repeat, tights are NOT pants!!

    I can instruct that course if you want.

  3. I was reluctant to post this, because in general I don't like to make fun of people's clothing choices if they are striving to express themselves as individuals.

    But after I saw the 15th girl in a pair of patterned tights as pants and a short shirt, I realized this is people trying to follow a trend.

    A trend that should never have been. I don't care how great your body is. If you are wearing tights as pants A. I'm too distracted trying to not see every detail of your lady bits to appreciate your fashion forwardness and B. you will look lumpy in places where you may not even lump.

    This must stop.

  4. If this weren't so true it would be funny. Women at work who should wear mu-mus sport leggings and a tee. Now I am all for self expression but turly folks this is not a look for the workplace or even under the covers in the privacy of your bedroom. What inspires these ladies? Do they not have a full length mirror? Or a teenager? Gheesh. I am a lovely, non-critical person. Nurturing, in fact. But this tests not only my patience but sense of decorum. Cheers!

  5. The best ones are the stirrup-pants leggings as pants. It makes your legs look like they've been whittled into points. Hideous.

  6. Seriously, did the 90s teach us nothing?

  7. Yes yes yes.


  8. Please please please write one from men on why not to sag! I need to teach it to my students!