Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Well, This is Awkward

So, I walked up behind one of the guys at work today at his computer. Taking him his finished report, all innocent like. Seriously. And...I caught him looking at porn. In the middle of a Wednesday. In his cubicle.

I have no problem with porn, as un-feminist as that might make me. Whatever. I try not to be too judge-y about whatever consenting adults choose to do/watch/whatever. I don't really get into it myself, but that's my issue. I don't think sex looks particularly sexy. Even when the people involved are, in fact, incredibly beautiful, I think it looks...comical. And sometimes painful. Furthermore, I'm modest and what-not, but I'm not exactly Pollyanna of Sunnybrook Farm over here. I have seen lady parts before, and I'm not easily embarrassed. I mean, it just sort of took me by surprise. Lalala, minding my own business, doing my job, and BAM! Vagina. (I don't know why, but I sort of feel this should be said with jazz hands).

So, my intention was to just pretend I didn't see anything and go on about my life gleefully pretending that this NEVER HAPPENED.

Except (isn't there always an except? Maybe in this case a "but(t)" would be the more appropriate dum bump). He wants to talk about it. He keeps apologizing profusely. Which, on the one hand, I understand. I mean, its pretty inappropriate to be viewing this at work, and if I were a different kind of person he could be in a lot of trouble. But it was really just a case of poor judgment on his part and bad timing on mine, and I'm willing to let it go at that. He just does not seem to be able to let it go. Besides the apologies, he keeps insisting he's "not that kind of guy." The kind that looks at porn, I guess he means. And my apologies to the men if this is an unfair stereotype, but I generally assume that you are ALL the guy who looks at porn and I don't really care. Besides which, this type of defense really just makes me have to keep picturing you watching porn and God, why won't the head movies stop? And now I can never look at you again.

So now I AM beginning to get a little bit embarrassed. I mean, I don't want to open myself up to some kind of situation wherein I lose respect, by acting like its totally cool to check out porn at work, and sharing all my porn watching experience in some kind of unstoppable we-can-never-come-back-from-this moment. But on the other hand, I just wasn't really bothered until he kept bringing it up (ahem).

So how, exactly, do you tell a man of your professional acquaintance that he can chill, the sight of the naked lady pants parts did not in fact scorch your retinas or irreparably damage your sensitive psyche in some way, and seriously, can you please shut up about it now?


  1. "the sight of the naked lady pants parts did not in fact scorch your retinas or irreparably damage your sensitive psyche in some way, and seriously, can you please shut up about it now?"

    I'd just say that, except, you know, substitute a few "I"s and "Me"s for all the "you"s and "your"s.

    There's a part of me that's kind of disgusted with this guy for looking at porn at work but there's another part of me that thinks he's kind of awesome/admires his devil-may-care attitude.

  2. I think you can tell him just like you said in the last paragraph. I'm trying to think how I'd react, and quite honestly, probably very similarly to you.

    Speakers were off, I assume?

  3. hahaha oh boy that would be awkward.

    i have no idea how you could deal with that situation.

    i think i would find that whole moment too funny to get all feminist and preachy. its not everyday you catch people watching porn. story for life! :)

  4. My boss caught me on Jdate at work a few years ago.

    ...Which wouldn't be embarassing, if only I were Jewish.

  5. I think the word "vagina" should always be accompanied by jazz hands.

  6. Man, I hate when people take something that could have been funny ("Soooo... I guess you know I'm a boob guy now") and turn it into something whiny. Then again, if I were him I'd probably have quit by now. In other news, I gave you a blog award!