Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Last March my car was totaled when I was rear ended by a truck and shoved up the back end of a bus (insert your own "that's what she said" joke here). In order for the insurance company to give me cash money to get a new car, I had to turn over the title to them. Which I had conveniently stored in a different dimension where I could not find it. So, I had to go to the DMV. I waited in line for about 10 million years and finally got to the front. This is when the bored girl at the counter indifferently informed me that I couldn't have the title, because the bank had the title. I would have to pay off the car note first. Now, there was not and never was a loan for this car. It was paid for outright. But because I am insane, I spent about 30 seconds staring at the girl thining, "Jesus, how has this car not been repossessed? I haven't made a payment in 4 years...oh, right."

Me: There is no loan on this car.

Bored girl: Uh-huh.

Me: I paid for this car outright 4 years ago. Never once have I made a payment on a loan. I think I would know.

Bored girl: Says in the computer.
Me: And yet...

Bored girl: Says right here. Greg has a loan on this car.

Me(definitely not Greg): ...I don't see how that is at all possible. I do not know anyone named Greg, nor would I let them take a loan out on MY car. I don't even think you can DO that.

Bored girl: But you are Greg. Greg.

Me (still not Greg, but beginning to wonder if maybe I AM Greg): No. No, I do not think I am Greg. I was not Greg when I came in here. I've been waiting a long time, but I do not think I have been waiting long enough to turn into a Greg.

So she stares at me, and I stare back at her. My eyebrows have disappeared nearly into my hairline, and I am seriously considering either screaming and pulling my own hair or beating my head against her counter. Seconds are ticking by.

Bored girl: Are you sure you aren't Greg?

I guess at this point, the woman at the next desk (who must have been working DMV for awhile, based on how quickly she moved once she got a peak at my face) steps in and takes care of everything in less than 5 seconds.

It turns out, I was right. I am not, in fact, Greg.

And I only had to go back to the DMV 3 more times before everything was finally worked out!


  1. You are SO Greg. You just don't know it yet.

  2. Its going to be a hard, scary day when I finally figure out that I am.

    But then again, Greg is apparently a genius. Four years with no loan payment and he still had the car. So I'd have that going for me.

  3. "I was not Greg when I came in here" should be the title of your book when you write your memoirs.