Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'm Not A Disney Princess. As Far As You Know.

When I was 15, a deer followed me home. My mom, my stepsister, and my stepfather and I lived behind the back of beyond at this time, on a fish hatchery. Wildlife was not an oddity, and animals have always loved me. So it didn't strike me as all that strange that a deer would follow me home. No, I am not a Disney Princess. But apparently I'm about as smart as one.

I let the deer into the house. Please don't ask me why, because I'm not very clear on the answer to that one. I imagine it was a combination of I was stupid and my stepsister saying, "That's so cool! See if it will follow you in! We could have a pet deer!" Perhaps we had confused a deer with a dog. We were not confused for long.

Ways a DOG is Different From a DEER:

1. I have never been punched in the head by a dog. I HAVE been punched in the head by a deer.

2. A dog will not kick you in the stomach. A deer will kick you in the stomach, the knee, and anywhere else it can land a kick.

3. When you pet a dog, the dog will enjoy it, generally. When you pet a deer, it will try to bite your hand off.

4. A deer has hooves. A dog does not have hooves.

5. When your mom discovers you have let a dog in the house, she will be moderately irritated and give you a stern mom face while she makes you take it back outside. When your mom discovers you have let a deer in the house, she will scream for a very long time. Also, you may have to pay for things that were damaged. And you might not want to try to leave your room for awhile.

I learned these lessons the hard way so that you don't have to. You're welcome.


  1. Really?! How did it get back out of the house?

  2. My step father opened the sliding glass doors out onto the back deck and it just ran out. It never really wanted to come in the house in the first place. My step sister and I sort of coaxed it in, then shut the door behind it. It never occurred to either of us that if we just opened the door again the poor thing would leave.

  3. I love deer in house stories! Usually there's mostly broken glass and dead critters involved. This is the first I've heard where one "followed" someone into the house and escaped alive or unmaimed. This proves you are a Disney princess and I'm kinda jealous. I'm hearing Arial singing in the bg and picture you holding up your index finger and birds landing on it and animal companions from throughout the forest gathering round.

  4. Hee. The closest I've come is the deer following me and a dog jumping through my car window at a drive thru.

    The deer was a "half tame" rescue deer that our neighbors found and were nursing. It probably thought I had food. I'm pretty sure that's what half tame means: it won't try to kill you if you feed it.

  5. I wanna know how the deer punched you in the head! I mean, was it all on it's back legs and shadow boxing? Or maybe it just reached out real quick and blam! punched.

  6. It reared up on its back legs and flailed around with the front legs. I might have mentioned I was something of a moron at the time? The deer reared back and instead of, you know, moving, like a smart person, I sort of stood there and stared at it. Then blam!

  7. I'd like to see dog vs deer comparison in the form of a Venn Diagram!

    I can't stop giggling over getting punched by a deer. I would've coaxed it into the house too. How does one defend against deer attack??